Award Winning Fantasy with a Twist!

Living With The Alpha Male

originally published on smpauthors.wordpress.com 11/9/13

A couple of years ago, a friend of a friend gave me a dainty little female kitty named Kaluha. She sheds like crazy and purrs like a diesel engine, and it quickly became obvious she needed more company than I could provide.

So I went to the pound and got her a skinny, little boyfriend with a single ring around the end of his long, black tail. I didn’t think much about his personality; mostly I worried about finding a cat small enough for Kaluha to wrestle safely. She only weighs 7 pounds.

I very quickly realized my error. Not only do secondary characters have personalities, Lindor has been an education on the alpha male:

Complete confidence – Lindor never hesitates to jump off the rafters. He loves to climb which is how we ended up the proud owners of a two tower, four level cat tree that takes up half the patio. Kaluha, however, was the 1st to try it out and the highest seat is hers.

Natural leadership – Lindor yowls if Kaluha and I aren’t where we’re supposed to be on schedule. This means we have coffee on the patio in the morning and all settle on the couch in front of TV in the evening He can’t settle down until he’s kneaded someone for a good 5 minutes, usually me since Kaluha won’t stand for it.

High standards – Lindor guts the potted palm on the patio if the litter boxes aren’t pristine. He also guts the palm when anyone else enters the house; Kaluha just hides.

Seductive charm – Lindor has no problem getting some lovin’. He jumps right into Kaluha’s spot and arches his head for some necking. Kaluha has no problem grooming her man; Lindor has the cleanest ears in town.

Strength – Lindor has been known to fall off the bed, but he usually gets the lizard. Kaluha follows his lead, but she never misses. Lindor may get the snake, but Kaluha regularly spits out toads, still breathing.

Poise – There’s nothing funnier than a cat that falls off the couch, but cats know the solution. You just whip out a paw and groom, like James Dean slicking back his hair. Then you sleep in the middle of the bed, stretched out to get the best sun.

And most importantly, knowledge – You’re the alpha because you know you’re alpha. Lindor can’t conceive of himself as anything other than in charge even if I yell at him for spraying or Kaluha hisses at him for pouncing. He might be startled for the briefest second, but he bounces right back.

Exploring the reality of the alpha male in romance novels had given us some very moving and very funny stories. Me, I’ve joined the list of writers who write about their cats and, I suspect, one of those who yell at their cats.

  • “No, that’s my water, coffee, lunch, snack! Fine, whatever.”
  • “No, you can’t help type! That’s my seat. Fine, whatever.”
  • “I just cleaned your litter box, fed you, petted you, wiggled your toy. Fine, whatever!”
  • “No, don’t throw up. Not on the rug, cushion, sheets, laundry! Ew!”

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